Jokes/Humor

Anything that has Nothing to do with archery!
Forum rules
No political rants, discussion or arguing.
Message
Author
Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#91 Post by Captainkirk »

Strangers on a Train

Three engineers and three scientists were traveling by train to a conference. The scientists went to the ticket window and bought three one-way tickets. The engineers bought only one. The scientists remarked that there were three engineers but only one ticket. The engineers said to watch.


Right before the train left the three engineers crammed into one rest room. When the conductor came through to collect tickets he checked the rest room and, seeing it occupied, said "Ticket please." One of the engineers cracked open the door and handed out the ticket, which the conductor validated. After a few minutes the engineers returned to their seats. The scientists were amazed, and said they'd try it on the way back.

On the way back after the conference, the engineers and scientists met at the ticket window again. The scientists said "we know what to do" and bought only one ticket. But the engineers didn't buy any! Once again the scientists were perplexed. The engineers said "wait and see."

As the train left the station the scientists got up and crammed themselves into a rest room. The engineers did the same. After a few minutes, before the conductor appeared, one of the engineers came out of their wash room and knocked on the door where the scientists were and said "Ticket please!"
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#92 Post by Captainkirk »

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.

My work is done here.
Aim small, miss small!

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#93 Post by Graps »

Your participles are dangling again . ;)
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#94 Post by Captainkirk »

graps wrote:Your participles are dangling again . ;)
How did you know?!!! :shock:
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#95 Post by Captainkirk »

Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.

And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

To my 'selected' strange-minded friends:
If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it.
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#96 Post by Captainkirk »

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm
caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#97 Post by Captainkirk »

Image
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#98 Post by Captainkirk »

Remember when....?

Memory was something that you lost with age.

An application was for employment.

A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity.

A keyboard was a piano.

A web was a spider's home.

A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road.

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.

And if you had a 3 1/2 floppy..........

Well, you just hoped nobody found out.
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#99 Post by Captainkirk »

The Family Dinner Party

To all of us with kids or grandchildren - Can't you just see this happening!

A friend hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone
was encouraged to bring all their children as well.

All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old girl
stared at the uncle sitting across from her.

The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.

The uncle checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in
place but nothing stopped her from staring at him.

He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for
him.

He finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went
quiet for her response.

The little girl said "I just want to see how you drink like a fish."
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#100 Post by Captainkirk »

Japanese Eye Test

THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!
Image
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the
corner of your eyes as if you were Japanese. Keep
pulling until your eyes are almost closed...It works.
Aim small, miss small!

Post Reply

Return to “Off-Topic Discussion”