Jokes/Humor

Anything that has Nothing to do with archery!
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Graps
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#16 Post by Graps »

This traveling salesman was driving down a back country road when he noticed a small animal running down the road and it passed him .
He thought it was a chicken but it looked like it had four legs .
As he watched it the bird turned into a farm driveway , ran past the house and disappeared into the barn .
The salesman pulled into the drive and got out of his car and asked the farmer standing there " Was that a four legged chicken ? "
The farmer answered "Yes it is and I developed that breed myself . "
The salesman asked " Why did you do that ? "
Farmer " Well you see my wife and I both like the drumsticks the best , as well as our son , so that's why I developed it . "
The salesman asked " So how do they taste ? "
Farmer " Well I don't know . "
Salesman " Why not ? "
Farmer " Haven't been able to catch one yet . "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

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Shadowhntr
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#17 Post by Shadowhntr »

:D :lol: :lol:
The element of surprise can never be replaced by persistence.

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#18 Post by Captainkirk »

He's obviously not a trad hunter. :lol:
"Let yer arrows do the walking"
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#19 Post by Captainkirk »

Post Turtle

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb idiot put him up there to begin with."
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#20 Post by Captainkirk »

Applying for a job

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”

“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”

“It’s called the door!”
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#21 Post by Captainkirk »

History lesson from 1923

In 1923, Who Was:


1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?




These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days..


Now, 94 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them..


The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company,
Charles Schwab, died a pauper.


2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson, went insane.


3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.


4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cutten, died abroad, penniless.


5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.


6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide


However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.


What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.


The Moral:
Forget work. Play golf.
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#22 Post by Captainkirk »

The Parrot

I was in a pet shop when I noticed a Muslim girl
with the most amazingly colored parrot perched
on her shoulder.

"Where did you get that ?" I asked.

"Germany. There's thousands of 'em there!" said the parrot. :shock:
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#23 Post by Captainkirk »

Kodiak Hunting Guide

There was a bear hunting guide on Kodiak Island who had a real jerk for a client. The 'hunter' was typical big city 'big-shot' that only hunted to show off what a big man he was, and show off how much money his equipment cost. Nobody liked him, but he was rich and paid well. One day they were stalking this huge brown Kodiak bear and the loudmouth just wouldn't be quiet about not finding the biggest and meanest bear. He started in on his guide and how out-dated and worn-out all his hunting gear was; then he glanced downward and saw that the guide was wearing running shoes. The big shot then started running his mouth and laughing about out how dumb his guide must be if he thinks he can out run a 12 foot Kodiak bear...The guide lifted his hat brim and said, " I don't have to out run the bear, I just have to out-run you.."
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#24 Post by Captainkirk »

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."


Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "Better think that one over.............women like that are hard to find."
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
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Re: Jokes/Humor

#25 Post by Captainkirk »

Grapes

A duck walks into a convenience store/gas station and asks the clerk; "Got any grapes"?
The clerk says, "Naw. We're a convenience store. We gotcher Slim Jims, candy bars an' chewin' gum, but no grapes"
The duck looks sad, turns and walks out.
An hour later he returns, and asks; "Got any grapes"?
The clerk says, "No! I done todja afore, we got no grapes!"
The duck looks sad, turns and walks out.
An hour later he returns. He asks the clerk; "Got any grapes"?
"NO!!! I todja we ain't got no grapes! Now get out an' don't come back. An' if I see ya again, I'll nail your little webbed feet to the floor!
The duck looks sad, turns and walks out.
An hour later he returns. He asks the clerk "Got any nails"?
"No, we got no stinkin' nails. This ain't no hardware store" says the clerk
"Well then...you got any grapes"? asks the duck
Aim small, miss small!

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