Jokes/Humor
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No political rants, discussion or arguing.
No political rants, discussion or arguing.
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- Shadowhntr
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Re: Jokes/Humor
I mean, that's not nice!Shadowhntr wrote:One day a game warden was watching a man through the woods who was dressed in camo and appeared to be hunting. The warden knew this because the guy was carrying a squirrel. He was very confused and cautious though, because the man didn't seem to be carrying any weapon and so he was convinced the guy about had to be doing SOMETHING illegal. So he decided to follow him for a while, but staying hidden at a distance. Directly, he seen the man pause and appeared to be looking up in the trees for a bit, then he seen a squirrel drop from the tree top. The ol boy eased over and picked it up, and started easing on forward. This happened a couple times more and the warden became anxious and decided he must go interrupt and hoped to give him some kind of citation. So he made his presence known and approached him. He then asked the fella to see his licence and then the squirrels. Sure enough, still under the limit and not a single mark on them anywhere. The warden then asked him to see his weapon. The fella replied that he didn't carry one, because he used a tactic an old sly Native American taught him that he referred to as "uglying them to death". He then bid the warden to go with him and watch carefully and the warden agreed. Pretty soon the ol boy spots one nearby and then stared at it until the squirrel noticed him...then he contorted his face in the most hideous fashion. Sure enough the squirrel dropped dead. The warden shook his hand and said how amazing it was and asked if he ever taught anyone how to do the trick. The ol boy said that he indeed did teach his friends Tony and Kirk, but he quit inviting them along because they tore them up to badly.
Re: Jokes/Humor
A few years ago Kirk invited me to come and see his home town .
He picked me up from the airport and as we were headed to his home I noticed that Kirk didn't stop for a red light .
I said to him " That was a red light and you didn't even slow down . "
He told me that his brother and him never stop for red lights .
This happen a few more times and all of a sudden Kirk slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop .
At which I noticed the light had just turned green .
So I asked him " Why did you stop ? "
He said " My brother might be coming from the other way . "
He picked me up from the airport and as we were headed to his home I noticed that Kirk didn't stop for a red light .
I said to him " That was a red light and you didn't even slow down . "
He told me that his brother and him never stop for red lights .
This happen a few more times and all of a sudden Kirk slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop .
At which I noticed the light had just turned green .
So I asked him " Why did you stop ? "
He said " My brother might be coming from the other way . "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada
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Re: Jokes/Humor
This traveling salesman was driving down a back country road when he noticed a small animal running down the road and it passed him .
He thought it was a chicken but it looked like it had four legs .
As he watched it the bird turned into a farm driveway , ran past the house and disappeared into the barn .
The salesman pulled into the drive and got out of his car and asked the farmer standing there " Was that a four legged chicken ? "
The farmer answered "Yes it is and I developed that breed myself . "
The salesman asked " Why did you do that ? "
Farmer " Well you see my wife and I both like the drumsticks the best , as well as our son , so that's why I developed it . "
The salesman asked " So how do they taste ? "
Farmer " Well I don't know . "
Salesman " Why not ? "
Farmer " Haven't been able to catch one yet . "
He thought it was a chicken but it looked like it had four legs .
As he watched it the bird turned into a farm driveway , ran past the house and disappeared into the barn .
The salesman pulled into the drive and got out of his car and asked the farmer standing there " Was that a four legged chicken ? "
The farmer answered "Yes it is and I developed that breed myself . "
The salesman asked " Why did you do that ? "
Farmer " Well you see my wife and I both like the drumsticks the best , as well as our son , so that's why I developed it . "
The salesman asked " So how do they taste ? "
Farmer " Well I don't know . "
Salesman " Why not ? "
Farmer " Haven't been able to catch one yet . "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada
- Shadowhntr
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Re: Jokes/Humor
He's obviously not a trad hunter.
"Let yer arrows do the walking"
"Let yer arrows do the walking"
Aim small, miss small!
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Re: Jokes/Humor
Post Turtle
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb idiot put him up there to begin with."
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb idiot put him up there to begin with."
Aim small, miss small!
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Re: Jokes/Humor
Applying for a job
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
Aim small, miss small!