Jokes/Humor

Anything that has Nothing to do with archery!
Forum rules
No political rants, discussion or arguing.
Message
Author
Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12788
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#71 Post by Captainkirk »

A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife said, "Oh my Gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get out."
Aim small, miss small!

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#72 Post by Graps »

There was a blond standing on the North peer of where a river flowed into Lake Michigan .
She saw another blond on the South peer and yelled " HOW DO YOU GET TO THE OTHER SIDE ? "
The blond on the South peer yelled back " YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE ! " :shock:
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#73 Post by Graps »

A lady was following a truck in town and noticed that stuff was dribbling out the back of the truck .
She pulled up next to him at a red light and yelled to the driver that he was loosing his load .
The guy just waved and nodded to her and he kept going .
She did this a few more times until the driver yelled at her and said " IT'S A SALT TRUCK ! "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#74 Post by Graps »

Asked my wife if she would like to go to the drag races ?
She asked me " What kind of dresses will they be wearing ? " :?
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#75 Post by Graps »

A farmer had a calf born that was cross eyed and he called the vet to see what he could do .
The vet took out a long rubber hose and told the farmer he was going to insert the hose in the calves back side and blow real hard and the farmer needed to watch the calves eyes and tell him when they were straight .
He started to blow and the guy said " I see them moving . "
The vet kept blowing and blowing until he just couldn't do it any more .
The farmer said " You almost had it . "
The vet told the farmer to blow on the hose and he would watch the eyes .
The farmer got back there and pulled the hose out , turned it end for end and put it back in .
The vet asked him " Why did you turn the hoes around ? "
The farmer replied " You had your mouth on that end . "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12788
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#76 Post by Captainkirk »

:lol: :lol: :lol: I did NOT see that one coming...
Aim small, miss small!

Mohawk
Posts: 403
Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2016 7:24 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#77 Post by Mohawk »

:lol: :lol: :lol: This stuff is GREAT :!:

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#78 Post by Graps »

This middle aged couple were at the county fair back in the 70s .
They saw a guy that was a chopper pilot during the Vietnam war .
He was giving rides for $50 for a half hour .
The couple were arguing about taking the ride when the piolet asked what the problem was .
The man said that he wanted to take the ride but his wife said it cost to much .
The piolet told the lady " The ride is well worth the fifty dollars and besides it was costly to fly the chopper .
The lady said " fifty bucks is fifty bucks ! "
The piolet then offered " I'll take you both up and if neither one of you make a sound the rid is free . "
So they angered and off they went .
That piolet swooped and circled and dove and spun , up and down but not a sound .
He gave up and went back to the landing pad .
He said to the man " I was quite impressed at how you handled the ride without making a sound . How did you do it ? "
The man said " Well I almost said something after the first tight turn you made when my wife fell out , but fifty bucks is fifty bucks . "
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12788
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#79 Post by Captainkirk »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :shock:
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12788
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#80 Post by Captainkirk »

The economy is so bad that –
I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail,
CEOs are now playing miniature golf,
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 congressmen,
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America,
Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore,
A picture is only worth 200 words,
They re-named Wall Street, ‘Walmart Street’…
Finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Saudi Arabia, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
Aim small, miss small!

Post Reply

Return to “Off-Topic Discussion”